Snails with no shells are just slugs | This Is Mappa | Cyprus Football

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Cypriot football has somehow managed to squeeze an entire season’s worth of chaos into one week.

Pafos produce a brilliant first half against Salzburg, go 2-0 up and briefly convince everyone that European football is actually quite easy. Then the second half starts, Haris Tabakovic scores a hat-trick, the defending develops the structural integrity of wet cardboard, and Pafos are dumped into the Conference League playoffs.

Omonia, meanwhile, overcome the mighty Lincoln Red Imps and march heroically into the Europa League playoffs, where Sint-Truidense await. Europe as a whole, though? AEK gone. Apollon gone. Pafos down a competition. That ambitious coefficient charge towards Denmark and Norway is beginning to look less like a charge and more like someone missing the bus and pretending they wanted to walk.

There are transfers everywhere, Mauro Camoranesi has lasted a magnificent 59 days at AEK, nobody appears to know where Karmiotissa and Krasava are actually playing their home matches, and we ask the increasingly relevant question: is anyone fixing the Tsirion?

But none of that matters, because APOEL have once again demonstrated that when there isn’t enough drama available, they’ll simply manufacture some.

Board member Marios Panayiotou decided to announce that it was a “black day for APOEL”, warned unnamed people that they couldn’t hide in their shells and called them “naked snails.” Terrifying stuff. Until, apparently, somebody remembered the small matter of the arrangement surrounding the Liasis investment and the club company’s licence with the somateio.

So the post disappeared.

Because nothing says serious professional football institution quite like a lawyer apparently discovering the details of an agreement after publicly declaring the apocalypse.

We explain what is actually happening with APOEL, why the licence situation isn’t quite the catastrophe suggested by the late-night cryptic posting, what happens once the Liasis investment is completed, and why APOEL supporters have once again been forced to spend their evening deciphering social-media riddles from people running their football club.

Snails with no shells are just slugs.

Welcome to Cypriot football.